this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize