Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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