And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
