So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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