I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
