There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
