:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
