Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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