After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize