you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
