How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
