she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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