I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
