I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
