i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
