I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
