8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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