I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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