i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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