Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
