I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
