we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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