Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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