FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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