Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
