Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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