Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
