I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
