dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
