hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love accidental penises.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
