I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
