If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize