I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
