I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
