someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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