when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think your dad took our porno
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize