just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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