I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
