I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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