He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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