cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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