listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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