She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
