Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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