i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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