ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
