I think i peed on brittanys purse
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
