I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
