I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
