if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
