One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
