Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
