butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
