I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The adults are the big ones right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
