the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
