Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
