Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
