This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
