Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
