oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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