Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
