Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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