im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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