You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
