id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
