she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
