The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
