Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
