I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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