I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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