Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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