I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
