Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
