Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
