I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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