life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
