My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
