Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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